Wind Phone I

I pick up the receiver and I hear “‘Come into my parlor’ said the spider to the fly.” With a crinkled nose grin, I reply: “I’d know you anywhere.”

I skip the pleasantries; she’s fully aware of every intricacy in my life, whether I want her to or not, she’s got that Intuition.

“I just called to ask you for some guidance. Now, I know you can’t reason with me here. I’m not even sure that what I just heard was real, but you’re around, right? I mean, you can guide and talk to me through other means?” I pause expecting the other line to break the silence with “you know, darling, I’ve always held your hand.”

But I pick back up, “yeah, well, we talked a whole lot about before your children — but what about after you became a mom?”

I feel a gentle graze on my cheeks and the urge to be a bit more pointed comes over me. “Ok, I mean, how did you adjust? How much change is normal? Why…you know, the 2 of us are so different — we’re from different times, have few similar priorities…I mean, even our core beliefs are wildly different. I’m not sure what you can offer me here. Honestly, I’ll just figure it out.”

I begin to ready myself for my goodbye and I hear “my darling, you’re much too resourceful and smart for any of this, it’s unbecoming. That sadness is sticking to you like white on rice and you’re just too beautiful and bright for any of this.”

I find myself responding: “I just don’t see what any of that has to do with — I mean, plenty of smart people go through earth shattering transitions. And honestly, what do my looks have to do with it?” As soon as I said it, I wished it back.

She’s talking about the Before, I realize, and clear as day, I hear her continue — “you know as well as I do that it’s a tragedy you don’t see yourself for who you really are.” The cadence in her speech lulls me back to rational calmness. She started down the path of one of her favorite stories, one where she was given the space to be her and the quiet, patient knowledge in the other of where she would end up:

“I told Robert back in 1949, ‘I’m just not a diamond kinda gal’ but when 25 years rolled around I batted my eyes and said ‘you know, I do believe I have changed my mind.’

I never really thought about the story from this angle so I asked for clarification “where does jewelry come into this?”

“Well, you know back before Mobile, I was known as the Lucedale Flash. I was headstrong and quick on the draw. You know, every day I would take that bus in for work and I saved up my money and moved to the City.”

I see where this is headed, and I’m astonished I never thought about her in these terms. She continues: “you are who you are at any given time and I told you — it’s a girl’s prerogative to change her mind at any time. That includes who you fundamentally are.”

In her youth, she was practical, independent, stubborn (as a mule), and opinionated “And I do declare, Robert had his hands full. I’d go to the beach while he was at work — you should have seen my tan! But I always made my way back from the Island in enough time to rattle those pots and pans for dinner. You know, he taught me how to boil water?”

I sat listening to her as I reflected on the idea that she never told the Before stories with any tinge of sadness, it’s as though she still carried that Spirit, that foundation of Being within her even though I perceived her much differently.

It is in her words that I found solace in the idea that sometimes, change can be the loss of gripping control; it can be — if you allow it — the permission to become who you are, in that timespace. Change is not always a loss of self or a piece of your life, and one ought not approach all changes with a negative perspective.

And time and experience, it seems, had polished that overly independent, headstrong, and stubborn girl into a resourceful, smart, inclusive, and gorgeous woman. She interrupted my thought: “when they put that baby in my arms, I knew just what to do and I knew I’d become exactly who I always was at my center.”

The answer had been staring me in the face for years and I, only after having changed perspectives and roles, was able to understand the changing of seasons in life thorough her eyes. This story was never about diamonds or worldly goods. It’s not about beach days and easy dinners — it’s about allowing circumstance, maturity, responsibility, and love to change you.

“Don’t you ever settle, you hear me? You surround yourself with people who reflect your goodness and the people who insist on helping you be you — those who love you will always be able to see into your heart — who you are, what you need, and where you are headed, even if you don’t know.”

Tears started to stream down my face as she concludes “that sweet boy of yours knows the song of your heart. You’ll never disappoint him, but allow him the respect to change you. And for goodness sake, stop moping around.”